This is Part 2 of a multi-article series on emotional intelligence in engineering. Part 1 is here: Engineering is More than IQ.

Yes, you’re right. This is going to be one of those touchy-feely articles. It kind of has to be, right? We’re going to talk about getting in touch with your feelings. But we won’t use drum circles, incense, or other methods you might think of as flights of fancy.

We’re going to approach it from an engineering perspective –a system-based approach to emotional intelligence. I hope that makes it a little less hippy-dippy for you, as Sheldon Cooper might say.

Self-awareness is the first of the five factors of emotional intelligence identified by author Daniel Goleman. Like the other factors, which will follow in future articles, this is not just something you have at birth. This is a skill you can improve upon.

This is also the foundational factor of emotional intelligence. Everything else we will cover on emotional intelligence relies on this. Take some time, as hippy-dippy as it may feel, and work on yourself-awareness. This is your earth work, your vehicle’s frame, your technology stack. Get it right and the rest of the build will go a lot smoother.

Know Thyself

The first step in improving your emotional intelligence is to recognize and understand your own emotions. I’m not asking you to change your emotions. Just acknowledge them.

When someone cuts you off in traffic, know why you’re angry. When you look at your child, know why you feel warm inside.  When your spouse asks you to do something in the middle of an episode of Downton Abbey, know why you’re irritated.  On that last one, I know you think I’m talking to the female engineers, but I love Downton. Everyone in my family knew not to call when a new episode premiered.

Taking time to monitor your emotions helps you build a mental blueprint of your reactions.

Know the Effects

When Dave questions your latest idea, do you feel belittled? Has his attack on your idea or his attack on you (some Daves are condescending jerks) stabbed your ego and inflamed your id? Is it time to lash out?

“Oh yeah, Dave?! Well **** you!”

Yeah, I’ve been there. As have my engineer friends. I’ve seen engineers get mad, bow up, and nearly come to blows or walk out meetings. I’ve seen them gush with excitement over a flirtatious smile and then agree to doing something they really didn’t want to do. To be fair, that’s how I watched my first episode of Downton. But I swear it’s a great show. And it’s on Amazon Prime. Seriously, go watch it.

Like an if-then statement or a mechanical lever, our emotions launch us into action, send our moods out of control, and impact those around us.

Once you know your emotions, you can monitor them and their effects on you.

Know Why It Matters

According to Goleman, self-aware people have a good sense of humor, are aware of how others perceive them and are confident in themselves and their abilities. These people have a positive outlook, act thoughtfully rather than impulsively, and are more compassionate towards others. The people I like to be around and the people I like to work with can be summed up with that description.

If that’s not enough, a study from Cornell University determined that high self-awareness is one of the greatest predictors of overall success.

Know How To Improve Self-Awareness

This probably won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is. Trust me – this is most definitely worthwhile.

• Keep a journal – Take the time to jot down the emotions you had during the day. This could be before bed or just after they occur. Note the situation that caused the emotions as well as your reaction. You’ll see patterns emerge and you’ll learn how to work within your own internal rules.
• Slow down and think – When you have a strong emotion – good or bad – slow down and think about it before you react. This will be very hard at first. You’re going to want to act on impulse. Pausing doesn’t take long, a breath or two, but it will pay off in your quest for self-awareness. Until you can slow down and think during situations, take time after an emotional situation to review your feelings.
• Get feedback – Find a mentor or friend who will shoot straight with you and who you respect enough to give weight to their words. Someone who can tell you that you’re an ass when you’re being one.
• Be a good listener – Listening to others and observing their emotions will help you develop empathy (we’ll come to this in a future article)as well as help you listen to your own inner voice.
• Consider the science – We’re engineers. We were raised on science and logic. Our brains are executing code based on centuries of algorithmic refinements. Understanding those will help you accept what’s happening in your head and heart. This article will get you started.

Final Takeaway

Two of Sheldon Cooper’s heroes were practitioners of emotional self-awareness. Mr. Spock from the original Star Trek television series worked to understand his emotions so he could stamp them out. Mr. Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation worked to find and develop his emotions – to become more human.

Too often engineers, including me, have felt like we’re something other than human. We value ideas, logic, and problem-solving. We overlook the fact that the human equation is a complex algorithm that we may never solve but one that’s worth the continual effort.

As much as I love Spock, in this respect, I will try to be more like Data. I hope you will, too.

Feature Photo – The Thinker by Rodin – Image provided by Pixabay with no attribution.